Romancin' the Stone
A Fine Romance
Romancin' the Stone
(A Cowboy Valentine)
Valentine's? Well it's been quite some time
since I had any call for romance,
jest workin' these cows
is all I know how
and that sorta cuts down my chance.
But I do recall after herdin' one fall
I did find myself with some time,
ole Pete dragged me down
to a social in town
and that's where I met Miss Devine.
That gal was so pretty she plum made me giddy
those doe eyes and lips painted red,
that sweet little rustle
she made with her bustle
put visions of love in my head.
My feet left the ground and my heart started poundin'
my temperature rose ten degrees,
my mouth jest dropped open
not one word was spoken
when she turned and smiled sweetly at me.
Now I may not seem it but I'm a tad squeamish
when it comes to the opposite sex,
so there I was son
tongue-tied and dumb
my total composure a wreck.
Ole Pete started grinnin' from the very beginnin'
he'd seen the glazed look in my eyes,
a man of some fame
in the romancin' game
he'd offer his pard some advice.
If you want to win her then you gotta send her
some flowers or candy delights,
girls like to put on
if you're aimin' to do the thing right.
Well that sounded good and I understood
so it was then I see'd me a chance,
I'd go on and flatter
then straight to the matter
and ask her to the Valentine's dance.
Now I ain't no piker and I really did like her
but I jest wasn't rollin' in dough,
I'd go some a bit
on a buck fifty cents
and get her the best that I knowed.
I started off good and bought what I could
then headed on down to her place,
I tied up my nag
marched up with my bag
and knocked with a smile on my face.
The evenin' was damp when I rode back to camp
but Pete was still waitin' to see,
had his good advice
and jest what had happened to me.
How was it son did you have any fun
now I want you to tell me the truth,
so I couldn't lie
and had to reply
she cracked two and lost a whole tooth.
Pete sat there stunned jest what had I done
to that filly so young and so fair,
with two big doe eyes
and lips that I prized
and the love that I'd wanted to share.
It's hard to relate her terrible fate
on account I still miss Miss Devine,
but the truth although sad
for the money I had
rock candy was all I could find.
© 2001 Rod Nichols
A Fine Romance
(A cowboy love poem)
When yore sittin' round a campfire
as we do most ever' day,
the subject "Love" jest don't come up
cause it ain't the cowboy way.
We might talk cows or hosses
and sometimes gals and men,
but that's just mainly jawin'
and always with a grin.
So we was rightly taken back
when a young cowhand named Slim,
jest up and started talkin'
'bout a problem botherin' him.
You men are all much older
and you've been around a bit,
so you might have an answer
to a thing that's give me fits.
I come up on the short end
when it comes to love and such,
I'd take it kindly if you men
could get me out of dutch.
What is it 'bout the female mind
and the things they do not like,
what sof'ins up their stubborn side
and stops a senseless fight.
This gal I know gets all huffed up
each time I come to call,
she says I smell to heaven
but I'm jest like each of y'all.
She's awful cross and snippy
when I say I like her lots,
she says my breath is put-er-fied
but better than my socks.
She's mad about the boots I wear
they's somethin' bout the mud,
she frets about my denims too
what she calls pri-mal-crud.
She says my nails are somethin' else
they's always dark as sin,
but on my oath I swear to you
they's jest like all you men.
She says my face is scan-da-lous
my hair must loathe a brush,
my whole outside reads fu-mi-gate
before I'm fit to touch.
So I leave it up to you men
cause yore purty much the same,
what kin I do to please that gal
and win this romance thing.
Well on that thought we pondered
til the hour grew real late,
but none of us could rightly say
what steps that boy should take.
He's jest like us old Smiley said
that's right enough as rain,
now why'd that gal git so riled up
kin someone please explain.
I started then to say a word
but I had to stop I fear,
the headiness of that there crew
had caused my eyes to tear.
Then jest like that it hit us all
what a bunch of toehead dopes,
the only thing that romance lacked
was a homemade bar of soap.
And so we let him know right off
he grinned and told us thanks ,
rode off to get that bar of soap
and join the lovers' ranks.
The next we seed of that young sprout
was later on in town,
he looked the worse for wear alright
his face was hangin' down.
What happened son we all inquired
where is yore prairie rose,
she slammed the door right in my face
her love fer me is closed.
You fellers gave me good advice
it's only now I see,
that bar of soap I gave to her
was really meant fer me.
© 2001 Rod Nichols
Rod Nichols is a special pard and our first Lariat Laureate. Read more of his poetry here.
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